Oh my god!
The pain shot me straight up out of bed. It was 3 AM on the dot.
The day before, I had urinated and it appeared to be a brownish color. I had suggested at the time I may be getting a UTI. While I’ve never had a UTI before, trust me when I say I was about to wish that’s what I had.
After awakening in severe pain, unfortunately located mainly in my testicular region, I went to the bathroom and could barely stand. My wife, pregnant and easily awakened, had been waiting for me to return to bed. After
an enternity 5 minutes she came to see if I was OK. This was, of course, New Years Eve and I had a single glass of champagne so I can only assume she was coming to laugh at me for getting sick from one drink.
She could tell instantly that something wasn’t right. I asked her to call 911 and after a minute or two of explaining how serious I was, she made the call. I was in so much pain I began to feel as though I was going to pass out, and was honestly scared to death because I had no idea what was happening. I’m 27 at the time (28 now) and the thought of kidney stones pain had never even crossed my mind. I was more frightened over a ruptured testicle (
is this even possible? <- don’t answer that) or even worse suddenly painful testicular cancer.
To further explain how severe the pain was, the fire department were the first on the scene and I’m delusional and keep calling the fireman ‘Doc’. I am also begging him to physically remove my balls as soon as humanly possible. For God’s sake, I tell him, I have a 5 year old and my wife is pregnant my balls have served their duty. I can tell he’s trying to hold it together and not laugh because he’s unsure of my sense of humor though let me tell you any jokes I told were simply to try and take my mind off the pain.
Ambulance arrives a few minutes later and off I go to the hospital. I’m now explaining my desire for testicular removal to the EMTs who are full out laughing with me and this is where I first hear of possible kidney stones. I’m still unsure, there is no way kidney stones pain feels like this I think to myself.
I arrive at the hospital on New Years Eve, well technically New Years Day now and I am no longer funny. I am a lunatic. If I don’t get some sort of relief soon, I am jumping out a window is how I feel. I specifically remember hearing 2 nurses wishing each other a Happy New Year which sets me off into a pain filled rage that both nurses instantly knew this was not going to be a Happy New Year (sidenote: If you are one of those nurses, I apologize with my deepest regrets for being obnoxious.)
Within a half hour or so, I am being assessed by a nurse who takes my blood pressure and preps me for morphine. Which, not being a drug type person, I always thought was such a heavy drug that I would see cats flying through the air pooping rainbows. Not the case. Morphine did nothing for me and the throbbing in my private area had grown intense enough that I’m almost brought to tears. The nurse returns and I inform her of my pain situation, mind you with nobody officially knowing what is wrong with me.
Now Dilaudid on the other hand. Made my kidney stones pain leave me so quickly I almost forgot why I was in the hospital. There is a God! I thought to myself. I’m fairly convinced that the staff was sick of me complaining because they gave me more doses of that drug than was probably legal but god almighty did it shut me right up. I’m now drifting in and out of consciousness and am on my way for a CT Scan I do believe.
Kidney Stones Pain identified.
The ER Doctor informs me we have a 5mm sized Kidney Stone on its way down into my bladder. Perfect. I proceed to ask how one gets kidney stones. I’m asked about my diet which for the past 12-14 years of my life consisted mainly of coffee, fast food, chocolate. Which, as it turns out, isn’t the greatest thing for you when it concerns kidney stones. Who knew?
As I got into more graphic detail of my diet, the doctor stated he was surprised I hadn’t gotten them sooner. Thanks Doc!
Soon after I am sent home to sulk and drink massive amounts of gatorade and pee through what looks like a reusable coffee filter in hopes of catching of kidney stone. Not even an hour after being home, bingo! Stone passes but I literally had no idea. I put this black (dried blood) thing into a hospital provided container and continued to be in severe pain for almost a week.
I went to my urologist (first visit ever by the way) and he explains how kidney stone removal surgery works (don’t look it up, it’s not worth the mental scars) and I then show him my container and he goes “Oh look at that your kidney stone!”
I was dumbfounded. I expected RELIEF when I passed the stone. I got NOTHING. I was still in pain.
My urologist put it to me this way. 5mm on average is the largest sized stone that he will allow a patient to pass on their own. As the stone travels down ‘stream’ it will get caught and scrape, tear, and stab anything in its way. The pain I was feeling post-stone was no longer kidney stone pain but rather the aftermath of the havoc of having a large sized stone passed without intervention.
January 1 is a day I will certainly never forget. And the best part is, my urologist told me I have more stones visible on a ultrasound that are just “hanging out” currently. So needless to say I’ve been doing my due diligence on how I can overcome these damn stones because nothing has ever made me want to die quite like my kidney stones pain.